Sudden Beth

When was the last time you opened your mail and got a speeding ticket? Unpleasant, right? Well, you can put that worry behind you with this Car in the Buff- a certified buffalo hide that celebrates an animal’s birthday suit by giving it purpose. That’s right! Don’t worry about that drone above you; animals can’t pay speeding tickets, so law enforcement doesn’t write them up. Give your car this luxury disguise and arrive at your destination in time!

So here's the situation: You're hiking. It's a beautiful day. Then suddenly, you see an angry grizzly coming at you. Don't run away! Don't climb up that tree! What? Are you saying that you don’t want to do anything because you’ve been overwhelmed by the mixed messages you’ve received about navigating a bear attack? You’re not alone- no one really knows how to handle this. You've been taught to lay on your stomach and play dead. But how do you deploy your bear spray when your hands are over your neck protecting your head? That's where Pre-BEAR-edness has your back, and your neck, and other limbs as well. It looks like a running backpack, but it has a blowhole in the middle for squirting that bear spray at the press of a button. You're all set, unless the bear is wearing goggles.

You take your game seriously, and in a competitive world, you might not have time for the self-care you deserve. It hardly seems fair that a TV would get its own tray, but as an athlete, you have to fend for yourself. Now you can focus on the rigor that croquet deserves while staying hydrated, caffeinated, and relaxed. And the best news is that this wearable fanny pack tray is adjustable to accommodate all sizes of players and beverages, from flutes to gulps.

It’s late April. You got through cold and flu season without clearing your throat even once. Everyone’s out frolicking and enjoying the weather and now you get sick? Not fair. You shouldn’t have to stuff your pocket with tissues or worry about your runny nose. Just relax and let Snufferbund catch your drips. It’s a cummerbund- for your nose!

You pour your morning coffee (or tea). It’s too hot, so you decide to do a few dishes while you wait for it to cool down. You take a call. You decide to knock out an email or two. Suddenly, you feel so fatigued. Oh! You haven’t had your coffee yet. You find it sitting in your kitchen nook where you left it, but…eww. It’s too cold. You pop it in the microwave for a bit. Now it’s too hot. Sound familiar? You need TempTamer- a tiny little doll that does that tedious work of monitoring your beverage temperature and blowing on it appropriately (“hoooooo” to cool it down, “haaaah haaah haaaaah” to warm it up), ensuring the perfect temperature all the time. Upgrade to the deluxe version that also swats flies away.

It’s late and you’ve had a long day at work. The last thing you want is to get home, walk up to your front porch and stumble into an unpleasant feeling that is simultaneously sticky and tingling. And the worst part after getting past that all-too-familiar icky sensation? You don’t even know where that little (or big) eight-legged architect-turned-predator might now be hiding. Protect yourself and your belongings with A-hack-nid- a machete-like tool that serves as the ultimate silk slayer, giving you peace of mind.

There was a day when birds would enthusiastically approach buildings not realizing that what looked like an inviting open window was actually a glass barrier spelling their demise. But that was cleverly solved with patterns on the windows that, as the bird would approach the window, would help it register “impending doom”, or at least, “you’re not getting in here”. But that’s not going to protect them from the forces of nature! Wind can steal anyone’s sense of control, speak nothing of a vulnerable creature in the air. Birders, you can now rest easy knowing that one can just unroll their vertical bird trampoline down the side of their skyscraper.

Oh boy, that’s awkward. With that brand new white shirt, you probably should have gone more alfredo and less marinara. How are people going to take you seriously this afternoon? They’ll be wondering, “Does he know how to use his fork?” or maybe thinking, “I should probably cancel my lunch with him tomorrow if he’s going to just get sauce everywhere.” You can’t even take yourself seriously with that stain right there- how distracting! Oh, but wait! There’s hope! You remembered to pack your Fla(sh)adow. It’s like a flashlight. . .for darkness!

Now keep in mind- Thomas Edison didn’t get it right on his first try either. It’s a journey…